Jokes about aging

Let’s face it, none of us are here forever.  So my philosophy is to do what I can with what I’ve got, and not to take life too seriously.

I hope you like my jokes about aging – if you do please contact  me to tell me so.

If you don’t, try this site.

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her.

Agatha Christie

There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
 
P.G. Wodehouse

At my age, flowers scare me.

George Burns

I’ve learned that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

Andy Rooney

Father-And-Son- Jokes

I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.

Rodney Dangerfield

Listen To Your Doctor

Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.

A couple of days later the doctor spoke to Morris and said, “You’re really doing great, aren’t you?”

Morris replied, “Just doing what you said, Doc: ‘Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'”
The doctor said, “I didn’t say that. I said, ‘You’ve got a heart murmur. Be careful.'”..ooh!

Anon

I’ve learned that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

Andy Rooney

A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘“At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.”

Claude Pepper

Getting older is like being on a roller coaster.

There are highs, lows, laughter and tears.

And sometimes you  may pee your pants a little

Anon

I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work, I want to achieve it through not dying.”

Woody Allen

Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.

Anon

So far, this is the oldest I’ve been.

George Carlin

Remember – laughing can make you live longer. 
And if it doesn’t, you’ll have a better time while you’re here.

Some visual jokes about aging and elder life